People over the past several weeks have asked "What is a "Gotcha Day?" I, being the person God made me, say "it is the day we "gotcha!" Last year on this day, I remember nervously, excitedly waiting in that room with all of the other adoptive families to see our baby come through the door. We were told that we were going to be first because the families were going to be called out in alphabetical order, and although every eye was either on that door, waiting for it to open, or on us to watch our reaction, I felt like we were the only ones in the room. It was so close to being in a hospital waiting room that it was hard to distinguish it from any other birth...except that Michelle was not laying in a hospital room screaming from labor pains. Our labor pains happened during the paper chase, which couldn't have ended soon enough.
Over the last several days, I have relived, in my mind and with a few pictures, our journey through China. I am amazed that it has been a year and to see how Kayli has changed and how having her in our lives has changed us. We have so much to anticipate over the next year and I can't wait for the day when we can share with Kayli our pictures and stories and see that she understands. She may be from China but she is definitely an Alexander and an "all-American" girl.
Last week during choir rehearsal, which I run sound for every week, the choir sang the song "Orphans of God." Every emotion that I felt that "Gotcha" day came back and I sat in the sound booth with tears in my eyes thinking of the day we got Kayli, the day I made the photo montage video set to that song, and of all the children in China that still need families. I pray that Michelle and I, along with our girls, get to go there again and bring another child home to be a part of our family. So after Mom's entry below, I will post the words to "Orphans of God" and a link to the video I made.
In case no one has said this to you this year, Happy Chinese New Year! The year of the rat, or mouse as we like to say (because we are Disney fans). This holiday has a different meaning for us as it does for people in China (primarily because we are not Bhuddists) and Americans tend to ignore it.
Eric
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So here we are, one year later. It’s been a year of amazing “firsts,” of learning what it means to be a grandmother, but more than that, what it means to be Kayli’s grandmother. I have become increasingly aware of the passage of time, realizing that time is precious, that our time is short, and most of all, that time is God’s gift to us.
There never seems to be enough time with Kayli – it’s a lot different than it was with my children. With Kayli, although she belongs to me in a very real sense, Eric and Michelle are responsible for her care and upbringing, her discipline – their relationship is different. It seems strange that this little girl who has become so much a part of me, of my thoughts, of my life, does not live in my house, in the room next to mine, where I can peek in at night and just watch her sleep. But that makes my time with her infinitely more precious.
The changes in Kayli over the past year have been unbelievable. At the age of eleven months, she could not even sit unassisted, and now she runs everywhere. She had no language skills that we could detect, and now she understands, can make herself understood, and has quite a list of words. She still has that precious, beautiful giggle and that gorgeous, often mischievous, smile.
Kayli has really had no problems “adjusting,” as they call it. She seemed to know the moment she was placed in Michelle’s arms that she was home. She was comfortable with us from the beginning, although she began to want her Mama more than any of us by the time we left China, and that is as it should be. Crowds seemed to bother her initially, but that has improved with time. She goes more readily to other people now, and seems to function better in crowds.
She does so many funny things. A few months ago, she started this thing of pulling her feet up next to her face. She can do it without using her hands, but then she wants to see if anyone else can do it – don’t I wish I were that flexible! So one by one, we pull and strain and struggle, and say “Daddy can’t do it,” “Mama can’t do it,” “Mimi can’t do it, “Papa can’t do it,” and Kayli laughs with delight at our efforts.
At Thanksgiving, when Kayli was at our house, she was downstairs with Papa and found a domino. He looked over at her and saw that she seemed to be struggling with something. As it turned out, she was pushing the “buttons” on the domino, trying to turn on the television. She’s Daddy’s girl, all right!
She loves to put on strings of beads and bracelets, to apply lotion and chap stick, to shop and try on clothes. Michelle has been diligent in keeping the appropriately colored bows in her hair, and now Kayli just doesn’t feel dressed without her bows. She is her Mama’s girl!
Kayli runs to meet us when we come in the door, and now she calls us by name: Mimi and Papa (she changed It from Poppy). She wants Papa to crawl on the floor and pull her around in a cardboard box, and she wants Mimi to let her “cook” or read “Dog Go” (aka “Go Dog Go”). And she is ours too.
She recognizes the people in the pictures on the wall now, and she tries to say the names that go with them. She renamed Michelle's mom (Grandma), so I guess now, at least as far as Kayli is concerned, Joan is Gigi (we have no idea where that came from). She has Poppo (Michelle's dad) and Papa (Byron) for grandfathers, and when Eric, Michelle, and Kayli came back to NC after spending Christmas in OK, she called Byron Poppo for a while. We thought for a while she was never going to say names except for Mama and Daddy, but that has certainly changed. She says "Mimi" with the best of them….
I understand now why my grandparents left the room when we were disciplined, and why my mother did the same when we had our children. Whenever Kayli is disciplined and she gets that "you hurt my feelings" look with the big tears, I want to scoop her up and carry her away. At those times, it's all I can do to keep from undermining their authority with her, but so far, I have managed pretty well. And they do such a good job with her – within minutes, she is smiling and laughing with all of us – AND behaving herself.
And now, Kayli has a baby sister due in late April – WOW! That’s amazing – who would have ever thought it would happen to “us?” You hear about it happening to other people, but when you have heard and accepted that it will never happen, it’s a bit of a shock. With that news came some rather surprising comments from others.
I have been asked at least three times how I will feel about Kayli now that Eric and Michelle are going to have a “biological child” (I detest that term). SAY WHAT??? How will I feel about her? She is my granddaughter, my first grandchild, and nothing, no one, no circumstance of birth, can ever replace that. Allyce will have a special place in my heart too, but replace Kayli? No way - just as Kayli will not be able to replace Allyce. Children are not interchangeable "parts." I learned with my own children that God gives you more than enough love for every child, and every child is unique and special. God's multiplication is really amazing!
God created this family - we didn’t. I feel uncomfortable when people say that we (Kayli’s family) “rescued” her from China. There was no rescue involved here. God knew how this family would be formed long before we were born, and He gave us to her just as He gave her to us – or as He gives any of us to another.
Kayli one year later – nothing could be more wonderful, more amazing, more precious than this little girl. I love you, Kayli! Thank you, Lord.
Kayli's Mimi (aka Eric's mom, Byron's wife, and sometimes Jeanne)
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Here is the Orphans of God Video link:
http://drofaudio.podbean.com/wp-content/plugins/podpress/podpress_backend.php?podPressPlayerAutoPlay=yes&standalone=yes&action=showplayer&pbid=0&b=2627&id=20260&filename=http%3A%2F%2Fdrofaudio.podbean.com%2Fmedias%2Fplay%2FaHR0cDovL21lZGlhMS5wb2RiZWFuLmNvbS8yNjI3L3UvZXBpc29kZTQubXA0%2Fepisode4.mp4Orphans of God
Artist: AVALON Song: ORPHANS OF GOD Album: STAND (2006) Who here among us has not been broken
Who here among us is without guilt or pain
So oft’ abandoned by our transgressions
If such a thing as grace exists
Then grace was made for lives like this
There are no strangers
There are no outcasts
There are no orphans of God
So many fallen, but hallelujah
There are no orphans of God
Come ye unwanted and find affection
Come all ye weary, come and lay down your head
Come ye unworthy, you are my brother
If such a thing as grace exists
Then grace was made for lives like this
There are no strangers
There are no outcasts
There are no orphans of God
So many fallen, but hallelujah
There are no orphans of God
O blessed Father, look down upon us
We are Your children, we need Your love
We run before Your throne of mercy
And seek Your face to rise above
There are no strangers
There are no outcasts
There are no orphans of God
So many fallen, but hallelujah
There are no orphans of God
